When I first started writing this, a piecemeal collage of my most neurotic lows, I thought, Who the hell will care? Who the hell would read this? And then, some small inner voice responded, I would have.
I’m not entirely sure how to classify what this project is—it’s not a book, nor a poetry collection, nor in any way scientifically reputable outside of my own experiences. But what I can definitively say is that it is the most apt way to encapsulate my experiences. It is part diary, part prose, part anecdotal recollection, part blogger-style advice-giving. It’s not entirely autobiographical, but it’s all true.
When a few people suggested I write something like this, my reflexive and dubious response was one that’s probably common to most people my age: I’m nobody! Mitski-bona fide-nobody. I don’t have a career behind me, or years of professional experience. I started kicking this idea around while waiting tables at a local casual dining restaurant, in the post-graduate free fall after receiving my master’s in English.
(Yeah, I know. I don’t want to hear it about the robustness of the English-major-to-customer-service pipeline, but thanks for playing. Well, isn’t that just classic? my older customers often said upon unearthing this piece of information. Smiling about it like Gollum with the frigging ring.)
The three humbling, true facts about me are this:
I am 25. (When I first wrote this, 24.)
I “like” to “write” (“like” and “write” being subjective terms here).
And I have anxiety. (Among other imbalances, brain-related or personal.)
I started this blog-adjacent endeavor with the intent to showcase small snapshots of my life, which is painfully ordinary but also one checkered with anxiety and depression. I really only wanted to resonate with other ordinary lives of those my age, in the mid-twenties millennial vacuum.
I also wanted to get over my own self-directed repulsion toward displays of vulnerability and indulgence. I’m not faring as well on that front.
In all seriousness, the simplest reason I’m writing this at all is that I have a lot to say. It is what is in my power, as a writer, to do, so this is my first try at doing something. It feels the most right out of anything I’ve tried before.
microcosmic 